;the case of the imposter syndrome

I’ve been meaning to talk more about fanfiction. Last month, I wrote about reading and writing fanfiction. These points still stand, but there is a downside to my writing fanfiction.

And my writing in general.

When I write fanfiction, it is usually because I have Very Strong Feelings about the treatment of a character, or a pairing, or a storyline in a show. It’s not necessarily an opinion that other people agree with, though thankfully I’ve never gotten any hate anywhere I’ve posted my stories, but it’s something that I have to write to get it out of my system.

Once I write the story and post it somewhere, however, the pride I feel at accomplishing a completed story, short though it may be, diminishes until I’m left wondering what I was thinking and why I thought I wrote well.

Imposter syndrome, you guys. It’s real.

Lines I was SO PROUD OF and emotions I thought I was evoking with them become nothing more than “what is this, what did I do, I should delete everything and never write again”.

Which is why I tweeted for people who have read my fic to send me lines they think I should be proud of.

If anyone who has read my fanfic wants to send me lines they think I should include in this post (and don't mind me crediting you for enjoying them?), please do. Because I am cringing over my own writing, thanks.

— aradhna. (@thebitterbeast) January 17, 2019

We’ll have to wait and see if anyone actually likes anything, I guess, because I sure as heck no longer do! Honestly, there are days where I look back on my writing with pride, and then most days, I wonder how I managed to con people into actually reading my things and not throwing their screens across the room.

Hi, my name is Ara, and I suffer from imposter syndrome.